remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
