I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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