You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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