Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
