I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
