I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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