I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Pants are for mortals
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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