i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
