just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
