I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
