I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
