She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
