Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
