Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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