Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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