I can't watch pbs sober anymore
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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