That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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