Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
