God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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