If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
