Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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