God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
