Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
