Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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