How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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