I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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