i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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