Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
