LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
