Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
