I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
