mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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