its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
They took my balls.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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