OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
