She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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