as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
