He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
