Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
