but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
