It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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