It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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