ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
