Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
