Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
