I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
