He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
