Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
this is an emotional support booty call
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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