He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
