Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
