So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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