i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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