We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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