Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
