I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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