someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
