Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
