I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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